Unabashed

Batman’s utility belt, Quasar’s quantum bands…there are tons of superheroes (and villains) out there who’ve accessorized to better enable them to perform their duties. Reed Richards has made a living out of building gadgets and machinery for his team and for the world at large. He designed unstable molecules so he and the rest of the Fantastic Four could remain clothed while using their powers. Unstable molecules might sound fanciful, but they fit right into the vein of scifi tech made real if you look over at the nanoscience industry. Unstable molecules actually sound like a precursor for nanobots if you think of it that way.

But who has the best accessory in comicdom? Captain America’s shield would get a lot of votes, as a symbol as well as a useful instrument. Some might vote for Wonder Woman’s various accoutrement: her silver bracelets, her golden lasso or her ridiculous invisible jet, but I wouldn’t. If I was voting for hottest chick in comics she’d be right in the top ten, but in my humble opinion, her gadgetry is unimaginative and lame. Ditto for Green Lantern’s ring, which is an awesomely powerful item, with the tremendous drawback that it is powerless against anything colored yellow (Damn! Beaten by a banana). Some would vote for Wolverine’s claws, but again, not me. Primarily because I don’t consider them an accessory. They are a part of his body; he can’t take them off and leave them on the bedstand when he’s sleeping. They just snict right back into his arm. So the verdict on Wolvie’s claws is: immensely cool, but not qualifying.

The list goes on and on:

These items have no power augmentation or special attributes: 

• Captain America’s shield–unbreakable, yes, but does it fire lasers? Sadly, no. 
• Elektra’s Sais
• Batman’s utility belt
• Deadpool’s swords
• Green Arrow bow and arrow
• Moon Knight’s utility belt
• Hawkeye’s bow and arrow
• Hawkman’s mace

These items are imbued with some attribute which increases their power, or the power of their wielder:

• The Infinity Gauntlet – infinitely powerful, but in the end it’s just a glove with little gemstones on the end of it; not very cool. And besides, picking this as the coolest accoutrement is kind of like picking Superman as the coolest superhero. Sure, he’s cool, but who can beat him? They defaulted his character as the most invincible being there is (at least in the DC universe). (I’d put my money on Galactus against Supes, especially if G’s just eaten a nice, fat, juicy planet).
• Thor’s hammer (Mjolnir)
• Quasar’s quantum bands
• Annihilus’s Cosmic Rod – cool and classic, but then so is…
• Silver Surfer’s board (From here on out I’m omitting anything imbued with the power cosmic on the basis that they are defaulted to be infinitely powerful and yet are too hard to define)
• Iron Man’s suit
• Wonder Woman’s lasso, bracelets, and invisible jet
• Green Lantern’s ring

I’m probably still missing some, But which is best? When it comes right down to it there are only two that really deserve to be in the conversation at all (for me, anyway):

Thor’s hammer and Iron Man’s armor, both from Marvel Comics and both awesomely powerful (but not too powerful, not infinitely powerful). Let’s break it down:

Mjolnir

• Imbues wielder with super strength and invulnerability 
• Forged by dwarven blacksmith of the mystical Asgardian metal Uru 
• Can summon the four elements: rain, wind, thunder and lightning
• Can open interdimensional portals
• When thrown, if you hold on to the strap very tightly, enables flight (basically it yanks you through the air at tremendous speed. This is probably the coolest flight adaptation in comicdom outside of Hulk’s bounding ability)
• When thrown, returns automatically to the spot from which it was hurled after it strikes the target
• Can be recalled to the hand of the wielder

Iron Man’s Armor

• Imbues wielder with super strength and near-invulnerability
• Jet boots enable supersonic flight
• Is equipped with numerous defense systems: repulsor rays, pulse beams, missile launchers, lasers, tasers, and flamethrowers
• Has a unibeam in the chest that can emit various types of light energy
• Helmet contains comm and recording devices and scanning equipment

In the end you have the ultimate gadget–Iron Man’s armor–and the ultimate mystical relic–Thor’s hammer. I think I’d be okay with either one.

written by Matt Mitchell \\ tags: accessories, accessorize, armor, book, Books, claws, comic, hammer, Iron Man, marvel, Mjolnir, snict, Thor, wolverine

My Iron Man post of a few weeks ago got me thinking about comics and collectibles in general and, more specifically, why I don’t buy comics any more, and a few reasons became immediately clear:

1. You can’t buy comics in the grocery store any more. When I was a kid I actually looked forward to going to the grocer with mom because I could squat on the floor at the comic book rack and pick out a few to take home with me. I could keep up with the whole Marvel or DC universe on an almost weekly basis. Today, to get comics you must go to a comic book store, of which there are very few, or a book store, which doesn’t carry many titles.
2. They’re too damned expensive. I have no problem with costs rising and prices rising. But the prices of comics have risen too much. There was a time when I could buy every comic in the Marvel Universe as they came out, but now, with so many titles which sell for over $3.25 apiece, there’s no way I can afford to keep up with more than a few.
3. Too many titles. This is especially true when there are several titles for the same group, like the X-Men. The X-Men were doing so well in the 80s that Marvel introduced several other X-titles. And it was evident that those new titles weren’t there to further explore the universe, they were only there to increase sales. It was pathetic, and it was ultimately what drove me away from comics in the first place.

The biggest mistake made, in my opinion, was that they began to market to collectors rather than their fanbase. Today if I go to a comic store to buy a comic the shop owner will ask if I want two copies, one to read and one to keep in pristine condition. This, to me, goes against all logic and reason. For starters, the reason comics were collectible in the first place was never because they were marketed to collectors, just the contrary, it was because collectors didn’t buy them until they became collectible. Comics were collectible because kids bought them, and very few of them survived being read and carried around in a back pocket and torn, ripped, and shared among other kids or traded for marbles.

When the clerk asks me if I want my comics bagged I tell him no. I read my comics and then I stick them in a box. This always is met with shock and disapproval. “How can you not bag them?” they ask. And I answer, “Because I buy them for the story. To read.” I don’t buy them for their presumed potential value in the future. And will they be valuable in the future? Hell no. Not when you’re selling two to a customer, one to be kept in pristine condition forever. Why should I keep them in baggies? The industry itself is ensuring they won’t be worth a dime as collectibles because of the way they’re marketing them.

One of the great (stupid) tactics of the comic book industry was when they began rolling off limited-print special-cover copies. They’ll do two covers, and print a bazillion copies of one but only two thousand of the other. So basically they’re guaranteeing that there will be two thousand pristine copies of that comic book enshrined in a static free, lint free, oxygen free environment for at least a thousand years. Actually, for the publisher I guess that’s a good move, but for the would-be collector it’s a stupid idea to buy them with any expectation that they’ll actually one day be worth more than the cover price.

No, a comic is collectible is when it’s fun and interesting and when only a few copies survive through the years. The one that was stuck in a box unread and forgotten is the one that’ll be worth the most money in the end. The things that are supposed to be collectible might enjoy a brief spurt of collectible frenzy, but in the end the only things that wind up collectible are those things that weren’t to begin with, the rarities of the world.

written by Matt Mitchell \\ tags: book, Books, comic, marvel