Unabashed

In a conversation today about science fiction movies, a person I was talking with challenged me on the “realism” in scifi movies. And of course I kind of had to shake my head. To me, scifi is realistic. It’s the modern action movie that’s traipsed over into the category of I-can-no-longer-suspend-my-disbelief-to-believe-this-is-possible.

SciFi movies are futuristic, meaning they take place in the future, meaning that a lot of the things that happen in them might actually be possible one day. But now let’s look at some modern-day action movies. You can pretty much name the lame at this point: XXX, The Fast and the Furious, or, here’s a good example: Charlie’s Angels. Are you telling me that’s a realistic representation of what three female cops look like, and that they can leap twenty feet into the air while dodging bullets, spinning, and then jettison themselves out a window and take out six armed, burly, lethal guards before ever touching the ground? It seems to me that futuristic SciFi is much more realistic than that. Case in point: Pitch Black. A space ship crash lands on an alien planet full of a particularly horrible breed of life that, given the planet’s situation, it makes perfect sense for them to have evolved into. Their ship requires fuel, their people rely on guns and sharp objects for self defense, they are easily cleaved by claws and seemingly delectable by the local dominant species. To me, I guess that all just makes perfect sense, given the fact that we can’t prove it wrong. Unfortunately, we can prove all too easily that Cameron Diaz cannot leap tall buildings in a single bound. Granted, she does look awfully cute dancing around in her panties, but…I’m losing focus here. You tell me, are SciFi movies more realistic than action movies?

written by Matt Mitchell \\ tags: action, charlie's angels, Movies, pitch black, science fiction, scifi, scific, vs

Most movies have one. Without the mentor (oracle, sage, priest, confidant), the hero wouldn’t be able to get their shoes tied, much less punch their way through a buried coffin. Here’s a list of some of the best movie mentors of all time:

The non-Star Wars Top 5:

Pai Mei
Kill Bill, Vol. 2, 2004 

Pai Mei is easily the nearest thing to evil on the list, and if it weren’t for all the evil he’d have ranked much higher. He’s a White Lotus priest, very wise, very knowledgeable, but he’s also a misoginyst and a racist. And he gets pissed when he nods to someone and the complement isn’t returned. But he did teach Beatrix the Five-Pointed Palm Exploding Heart technique she would eventually use to kill Bill, which evens out things a bit. Pai Mei’s been in more movies than just Kill Bill, too. He’s based on the historical figure who founded the Bak Mei fighting technique.   

Wise words: “It’s the wood that should fear your hand, not the other way around. No wonder you can’t do it, you acquiesce to defeat before you even begin.”

Mr. Miyagi
Karate Kid, 1984

You know the line by rote: “Wax on, wax off.” Everyone does. Because Mr. Miyagi brought kung fu to the suburbs and made it cool. It was Ralph Macchio that made it lame (this wasn’t the only movie he did that to. How can you possibly make the blues lame?). Kids all over America were wishing an old guy from the Far East would move to their neighborhood after watching Karate Kid. All I found was Sam the scrap metal guy, but he taught me how to use a bow staff and sais pretty well.

Wise words: “Man who catch fly with chopstick accomplish anything.”

Rafiki
Lion King, 1994

“Asante san, a squashed banana, wewe nugu, mimi apana.” Loosely translated (according to Disney) from Swahili, the song Rafiki sings when he finds long-lost Simba: “Thank you very much. A squashed banana. You are a baboon and I am not.” Masterfully voiced by Robert guillaume, Rafiki leads Simba back to his Pride and to his rightful place as king of the Pridelands, without ever telling him that was that he was going to. He just planted the suggestion and let Simba make up his own mind. Oh, and he kicks a little hyena butt in the process. 

Wise words: “Oh yes, the past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it, or… learn from it.”

Morpheus
The Matrix, 1999

In the end, Morpheus was right. Neo was the one. All he had to do was teach Neo to live outside of the Matrix, which he did, with lessons built within the construct. In a way, everyone wants to take the red pill, just to see what more there is. Neo is the embodiment of all the nerd dreams of all time, that there is more to life than this, that they can come out of their darkened rooms, wan and disheveled, and be a savior to mankind. That behind the scenes, they are just as significant as the popular kids. It’s a message a lot of kids took to heart. The Matrix taught relevance to the nerd nation.

Wise words: “Neo, sooner or later you’re going to realize just as I did that there’s a difference between knowing the path and walking the path.”

Chiun
Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins, 1985

Teaching the arts of the House of Sinanju, Chiun is often funny and always critical. He loves soap operas, which he considers America’s finest contribution to the arts. He’s critical of the red meat Americans eat. He tells Remo that he “moves like a pregnant yak.”  More wise words from Chiun:

“I can say ‘rat droppings.’ That does not mean I want to eat them.”

“Breathe out… slowly… do not gulp. If you do not breathe correctly, you do not move correctly. Pitiful. I can see the deadly hamburger has done its evil work.”

“The trained mind does not need a watch. Watches are a confidence trick invented by the Swiss.”

“Professional assassination. It’s the highest form of public service.”  

The Star Wars clutch:

Obi-Wan Kenobi
Star Wars, 1976

Introduced mysteriously as “Crazy old Ben” who lived in the desert, Obi-Wan, played by the then venerable Sir Alec Guinness, gave Luke what every SciFi-loving kid wanted in the seventies: A lightsaber, a cause, and a ticket to outer space. Guinness lenta thespian’s hand to a genre that had up to that point been dominated mostly by B-list actors. There’s no kendo swordfighting art in his method, but he teaches Luke to feel the Force, to trust in it, and let it guide him, right before he sacrifices himself to Vader, his one-time pupil. Who was the better Obi-Wan, Alec or Ewan? I think most people would say they both played the character well. I would.

Wise words: “Who’s the more foolish: The fool, or the fool who follows him?”

Yoda
The Empire Strikes Back, 1980

In the first three Star Wars films, Yoda was the wise-old sage and nothing more. He could teach things, but he looked all but crippled with his tattered little robes, wobbling around on his wee little cane. But that was before Attack of the Clones came out, where we saw Yoda stagger into a room to confront Dooku, and then start wheeling around the room, flipping and twirling with his little green lightsaber spinning an arc like a lightning bolt. Yoda became significant in that moment, much more than he’d ever been before.

Wise words: “Do or do not… there is no try.”

Qui-Gon Jinn
Star Wars Episode I, 1999

Possibly the greatest Jedi master of them all. Sure, Darth Maul ran him through, but Qui-Gonn added a lot of soul to the Jedi master class. I imagine Qui-Gon as being the field tech who never had a taste for being a supervisor and stayed in the field his entire career. He could have been in the Council, but he chose to keep training the padawan Jedi of the future. Leave it to Liam Neeson to play a mentor on this list, too; he’s played this kind of role before… (Batman Begins, Gangs of New York, Kingdom of Heaven) and done well with them all.

Wise words: “Remember, concentrate on the moment. Feel, don’t think. Trust your instincts.”

This is an open list; if I missed any who need to be included, let me know.

written by Matt Mitchell \\ tags: bill, chiun, gon, jinn, karati, kenobi, kid, kill, king, lion, matrix, mei, mentor, mentors, morpheus, movie, myagi, obi, pai, qui, Quotes, rafiki, wan, wisdom, yoda

Marvel has better super heroes than DC: Fact. And, even though DC has reigned in the movie adaptation biz up until recently, the shift over to Marvel has begun, and get ready, because it looks like Marvel’s in it for the long haul and are ready to expound upon the statement made initially by Spider Man and now by Iron Man.

Between mecha-fighter Iron Man’s second movie, coming in April 30, 2010, and military-sponsored super-soldier Captain America, coming May 6, 2011, Marvel Comics’ upcoming movie slate has a very militaristic feel. But where’s the peaceful shrinking scientist Ant-Man, who communicates with ants? Apprently his movie’s on hold, so we can get Norse god Thor’s movie, directed by Matthew Vaughn (Stardust, Layer Cake), on June 4, 2010. Captain America’s full title will be The First Avenger: Captain America, and his film will be followed by The Avengers in July 2011.

I’m glad they’re redoing the Hulk, but if they really want to fix past failures they need to look seriously at Daredevil. Or Ghost Rider. In fact, let’s just go ahead and ban Nick Cage and Ben Affleck from any and all future super hero movies. For the genre, I think Robert Downey, Jr. and Ed Norton are exactly the kinds of actors needed to fill the roles. Though I thought Eric Bana did an okay job as Bruce Banner, he just wasn’t right for the role. Ed Norton looks like I might imagine Banner looking like, so, casting is at least better in this adaptation than in the first Hulk. And casting is monumentally important in super hero movies. Just plugging in any-ol’ star won’t work with us fanboys. The actor must fit the role. Like Robert Downey, Jr. in Iron Man. If they’d given that role, as was originally planned, to Nick Cage, or even worse, Ben Affleck, even if nothing else in the movie had changed it wouldn’t have been as good.

For Thor and Captain America, casting is going to be equally important. We–I’m speaking for Fanboy Nation here–don’t care so much about the big names, we just want to see the character fulfilled. We want the actor to fit the role.

The forming of Marvel Studios should help make comic movies a lot better. They should be more focused on presenting the characters faithfully to the storylines already established. Or at least I hope they will. And they’ve got to, because they’ve all but ruined comic books with crossovers multiple titles for the same characters.

written by Matt Mitchell \\ tags: Avengers, Bruce Banner, Captain America, Ed Norton, Edward, Ghost Rider, Hulk, Iron Man, marvel, Robert Downey, Spider Man, Studios, Thor

Iron Man told a great story, had plenty of plot, great acting, only a couple of moments of significant cheese…all the things that make a great movie. But, ultimately, I’ll remember it most for what it failed to do, for the dearth of Iron Man himself. It’s a problem a lot of movies have: how to tell the story, and still incorporate all the action the audience wants to see. I remember the first time I saw Beetlejuice, I thought the same thing: this could have been a good movie if there’d been more Beetlejuice. Same with the first Hulk movie. The list goes on and on of movies that were good–don’t get me wrong, I did like Iron Man–but didn’t quite quench the thirst for more. Maybe that’s the plan, to give audiences just enough to make them want more, to better guarantee the sequel and–the Holy Grail of Hollywood–the franchise. Iron Man will undoubtedly become a franchise. There’s way too much potential here for there not to be, and I believe everyone will love it. I did, I just wish there’d been more Iron Man in Iron Man. 

This, I hope, won’t be a problem in Iron Man Two. All the setup is done now, and the movie can start with ol’ Iron Head patrolling the skies above Stark Industries. Who’ll be the bad guy in the sequel? Who knows. Iron Man doesn’t have a very good rogues gallery. His arch enemy was Mandarin, which could be very cool if done well.

Here’s another little problem with the movie: They gave too much away in teasers. You can barely go through five minutes of film time before you see another moment you’ve already seen in the various teaser trailers on YouTube. The entire first fifteen minutes of the movie is summed up in teaser trailers. There is nothing new to learn by watching the movie. I think they could have sold the movie just fine with the one scene of Iron Man falling from the sky into a crater, and then ascending, menacingly, to fire repulsors at bad guys. End. Follow the Cloverfield example; simplicity really can work very well when done right.

Overall there were maybe five or six repulsor blasts in the entire movie. This is a problem. They added a very cool little pulsing sound effect to the repulsor blasts, but then barely used them the entire movie. Oh, and when it came time to fight the bad guy at the end…well, some things are best left unsaid, right?

Overall it was a great movie. My only gripe is very simple: I wanted a movie my 3-year old would sit through (once the DVD comes out). Unfortunately, there are only about ten total minutes of this film that my son will care about seeing. And those were my favorite moments, too. I wish the entire movie had been like those ten minutes. Will I watch it again? Will I buy the DVD? Hell yes. In BlueRay. Because those ten minutes I was just talking about? They freaking rock. And the rest ain’t bad at all.

Where does Iron Man fit into the pantheon of super hero movies? I’m still working on that list; in the meantime, go check out Iron Man, just don’t take your three-year old.

written by Matt Mitchell \\ tags: Comics, hero, Invincible, Iron Man, marvel, movie, super

Iron Man release day is here! Tomorrow I’m going to see the movie. Review forthcoming.

written by Matt Mitchell \\ tags: Comics, hero, Invincible, Iron Man, marvel, super

**Spoiler Alert** 

Something I’ve been thinking about lately: SciFi movies, more of them, please? Oh, and try and make them better, k? Here’s an idea: Old Man’s War, by John Scalzi, a book that is utterly primed for adaptation, and I don’t even see much of a way for them to ruin it. Look at the Hollywood history of putting the wrong actors in roles; the list is as long as the list of movies themselves. I’ve commented before that Rachael Taylor was an utter flop as IT genius Maggie Madsen, as well as a host of others. I’ll add to the list Halle Berry; she’s just too damned pretty to be Storm. Rebecca Romijn, she of the amazing body, who was perfect as Mystique in the X-Men series, but was a total bust (no pun intended) in The Punisher. The problem is that often Hollywood casts people that are too pretty for roles in which obviously less-pretty people belong. Such is the case with Maggie Madsen, and the same is true for Romijn’s Joan in The Punisher. But the reason she was perfect for Mystique is also the reason she–or any overly-pretty actor–would be an ideal fit for OMW the Movie. In OMW Scalzi has already craftily eliminated the problem of the exceedingly-pretty, not-believable-as-a-person actor, because everyone recruited into the Colonial Military is given a new and improved, genetically enhanced body that, while it retains the donor’s DNA and general appearance, is made much more physically appealing. The point being, you could cast the hottest people in Hollywood for the roles in OMW, ugly them down for the first thirty minutes of the film, and then just paint them green and give them cat’s eyes.

I’ll add that, like most people, I’ve read OMW’s one-star reviews and, frankly, I don’t understand it. It’s a testament to the fact that people just don’t like the same material, no matter what. In my opinion, OMW is easily the best SF book of the past ten years (at least of the ones I’ve read. And that includes all of Charlie Stross’s books, which I love also, but which aren’t quite as good as OMW). I just don’t get it.

Anyway, here’s my suggestion for the casting of OMW: the Movie:

• John Perry - Brad Pitt
• Jane Sagan - Rebecca Romijn
• Somebody else - Will Smith
• Somebody else - Orlando Bloom
• Somebody else - Charlize Theron
• Somebody else - Clive Owen
• Somebody else - Ken Watanabe

There, that ought to get them started.

written by Matt Mitchell \\ tags: Fiction, John Scalzi, movie, Old Man's War, OMW, Rebecca, Romijn, Science, scifi

You may remember him as the brilliant actor who was one of the first to legitimize the scifi genre in movies like Planet of the Apes and Omega Man, but I’ll always remember him most for his cameo appearance in Wayne’s World 2. A crappy movie, I’ll admit, but the first time I watched it that one scene stood out for me. I’ve always remembered it. And, of course, someone on YouTube has had the heart to remember it too. S’long, Chuck.

written by Matt Mitchell \\ tags: actor, Charlton Heston, RIP

I’m in a funk, and I blame it on the incredibly wretched Elizabeth the Golden Age. I rented it this weekend, expecting to be entertained with the story of the Spanish Armada, which, as it ends up, is only a side story in the movie. The acting was fine…I can see why Cate Blanchett got her nomination. Jeffrey Rush was the only quality role in the film, though, in my opinion. I used to like Clive Owen, but his reputation is imminently tarnished now. It’s easy to see why the film got no other nominations: it was utterly horrible, but I watched on, in anticipation of the Armada attack, which occupied a full six and a half minutes at the end, and involved Clive Owen’s Sir Walter Raleigh lighting his own ship ablaze within seconds of impacting a Spanish ship, and then leaping into the English Channel. This movie excelled only in its capacity to overthrow The Patriot as the worst, most innaccurate historical adaptation ever.

I think I’m coming around now, getting over the funk, but it’s been a hard ditch to climb out of.

written by Matt Mitchell

I won’t bother you with the details of the demise of my family’s weekend. Suffice it to say we’ve all been lying in bacterial comas and haven’t seen the sun since Friday. Today I’ll venture out into the day again–it’s a nice day for it. It’s supposed to hit 70 today (and 46 tomorrow).

I pegged all my Oscar predictions but one: supporting actress, which I thought would go to Elizabeth star Cate Blanchett. But I correctly picked best picture, best actor, and best director(s). I didn’t have an opinion of best actress. Curiously, I didn’t see any of the movies, which either says I am a genius at picking Oscar winners or the Academy is very predictable. (I am not a genius).

SPOILER ALERT: 3:10 to Yuma 

The movies I did see through the half-murk of fever chills was 3:10 to Yuma, which was, as a movie, pretty good, but what I was really left with when it was over was the Russell Crowe character, Ben Wade, who just vaulted into my top-10 greatest movie bad guys of all time. He has all the requirements: Ruthlessness but with an almost-impenetrable vulnerability that never really becomes visible until the movie is over and you’re thinking about it. He’s more tragic than evil, the product of a tortured childhood. He’s talented in many things, gifted even, and you feel somewhere down deep inside that in murder, for him, there is art. He’s intelligent and, given a few right turns in life rather than left, he might have been a writer or an artist; but he deals only in bullets. And, most importantly for the great bad guy (this is the spoiler part): when the story’s over he’s still alive. He’s one of those characters that’s so good he deserves his own movie, except you know that if they make one they’ll ruin the thing that makes him so phenomenal. Like when Marvel decided to tell the history of Logan (Wolverine), effectively erasing all the mystique that had made him so attractive for so long. Same thing for Pitch Black character Riddick, who was subjected to his own Chronicles, and likewise went from icon to crap in one fell swoop.

For a full review of the movie, and, curiously, a review with which I agree on virtually every point, check out the NY Times review. Here’re the high points:

Ben Wade, the prodigious robber played by Mr. Crowe, is a more familiar creature: a sociopath whose twinkly charm masks both his ruthlessness and his perverse integrity.

Dan is much more than a movie star in costume: with his gaunt, haggard face and wide, awe-struck eyes, he seems to have stepped out of a daguerreotype or a murder ballad.

But Ben and Dan discover an unlikely bond, or at least some common enemies, and Mr. Bale’s haunted reticence plays well against Mr. Crowe’s roguish relish. Their characters open up a bit too much toward the end, in confessional moments that soften the clean, hard contours of the story and bring to the surface themes that would have been more interesting if they had been left half-buried.

Exactly. ‘Nuff said.

I also saw 1408, a movie I was very excited about, especially after I saw the first creep-filled half hour of it and had to wait three days before I could rent it and get it home, get the kids to bed and watch the rest of it. At the end I can only say that I want my three days back. After that first thirty minutes the movie steps up the effects, kicks the spook factor into overdrive, and really, really tries really hard to be scary. And fell flat on its face. I’ve always been a fan of John Cusack, and he delivers, but where this movie fails is as an adapted screenplay and in the production/direction.

written by Matt Mitchell \\ tags: 1408, Bale, Crowe, Cusack, Yuma

I’m sure it says something about my nature, that my favorite series’ of books are the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, the Aubrey-Maturin books, and Lone Wolf and Cub. Maybe it’s just that I enjoy different varieties; I don’t know. What I do know is I find every book in each of these series’ imminently entertaining.

If you read my recent post, 10 Things I’ve Done That You Probably Haven’t, you’ll possibly have noticed that I mentioned that I’d read the Patrick O’Brian canon. Of the three series’, this one was the longest at 21 books. There are a few other notable books in his canon, but none that compare to Aubrey-Maturin. The naturalist in me respects and is in awe of Dr. Maturin. I’ve laughed at his nerdiness, been impressed by his boldness, and intimidated by his fearlessness. Captain “Lucky” Jack Aubrey is not nearly as sophisticated nor complex as his running mate, but is equally admirable. You can count on Aubrey to be resolute, defined, pragmatic and explosive when he needs to be.

Before the movie Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World came out, I was sure Jack Aubrey looked just like me. He’s described as being tall and weighing about 16 stone with blonde hair. Right now I’m about 15 stone, but I’m 6′3″ and, when I was reading the bulk of the series I was running along at about 16. But then the movie came out, and now Russell Crowe’s face is indelibly etched in my mind onto the head of Lucky Jack. Still, it’s fun to fantasize that I’m the fearless captain of the Surprise, barking orders, tasting the wind, and endlessly pacing the quarterdeck. The movie itself is decent, drawing from several of the books rather than attempting to follow the series. It’s obvious that this was a one-time shot and would be no Harry Potteresque attempt at recreating the series on the silver screen. It was fun to watch the sea battles. I crank up my home theater and revel in the excitement of full broadsides booming, shaking the windows. I’m not very enamored with the acting in the movie, but I’ll usually lay blame for poor acting on the director’s shoulders, especially when the movie has known good actors, as this one does. Paul Bettany doesn’t fit with my image of Maturin, who should be shorter than Bettany and … I don’t know. Different. But then I’m not a big Paul Bettany fan. So. The movie’s shortcomings I blame on the director.

Also, it’s one of those sets of books that can alter your perceptions. I.E.; I was raised on images of Americans running the Redcoats back across the ocean. The song Battle of New Orleans by Johnny Horton was one of my favorites as a kid, in which we “Caught the bloody British in the town of New Orleans” and sent them running. How much media is focused on Great Britain being the great evil? Movies like Braveheart and Quigley Down Under, as well as The Pirates of the Caribbean, where the Brits’ stuffy bureaucracy complements their ranking officers’ personal ambitions like nobody’s business.

Sure, it’s in our DNA: the majority of citizens of the US are descended from GB castoffs anyway, right? But James Bond did a lot towards allowing me to look upon the Mother country as something more than a bullying windbag. And now, finally, I can look at the face of England with the eye of a brother, wanting to forget the wrongs, glad we’re  friends. Frankly, I’ve visited the Olde Country, and I liked it. I like the people. I like the mood. Maybe I’m just an Anglo wondering about his roots, but in England I see the country that invented naval dominance and gave us Shakespeare, James Bond, Sherlock Holmes and Patrick O’Brian. And besides: it’s America who’s turned into the bully now, and frankly, that appalls me. I grew up with a Robin Hood mentality. I thought it was a-okay to steal from the rich, stuffy bastards to give to the poor needy folk. And now we are the rich, stuffy bastards, and unfortunately, we don’t quite carry that banner with the class that England did in her heyday.

For a dose of what was good about Great Britain when she was the big shark in the pond, read the Aubrey-Maturin series. You won’t regret it.

written by Matt Mitchell \\ tags: America, Aubrey, bond, Britain, Great, Holmes, james, Maturin, O'Brian, Patrick, Shakespeare, Sherlock, UK

Date night Sunday night found my wife and I at the megaplex watching Cloverfield. First reaction: meh. But as I’ve thought about it a bit more I’m finding myself wondering more about it. I never got personally involved with the characters. I didn’t connect with them, and as such, the story fell a bit limp as I was watching. But the monster was pretty cool, and that’s where my interest piqued.

***Spoiler alert! Stop reading if you don’t want details***

The monster had sort of a Predator face. I wanted more opportunity to analyze the monster, but you don’t get that chance. What you end up with is an image in your mind put together from the many bits from various screen shots. Even the full-view shots were vague. I can’t tell you how many legs it had; it seems to me it had really long forelegs, and really short rear legs, along with something I caught a glimpse of which might have been a horse’s hoof, or a penis or a mustache. I jest, but it’s really that convoluted. It was hard to get a real vivid image, and hard to build an image in your mind for what it actually looked like. I wanted to see how it moved, how it demolished the buildings, what it was doing and why it was here. I wanted more “why,” but there was no why. There was only speculation from the group of people who were caught up in the middle of it.

There were these spider things falling off the big monster and biting people, and evidently if you were unlucky enough to get bitten you would, within an hour or so, pop like you were a tomato with a firecracker in it. Seeing those things trying to eat people but not seeing the big one do anything other than smash a few buildings made me think that this big monster was just trying to figure out where it was, and that it had a bad case of lice. Maybe all the buildings were just getting smashed because it was trying to scratch that unreachable itch caused by these little bug things, which were really, really lame. At one point three of them descend upon our group of main characters, who just kick them a few times to death. They really didn’t look like that much of a threat, once you got past their appearance. So this big monster is plagued with a batch of lice, and is trying to get someone to give him a good scratch, and in the process, destroys Manhattan.

The ending, a sort of “I died” moment, left me very, very flat. I wanted to know where the monster was, what happened to Manhattan, and if more of these creatures had emerged in other cities. Did it come from outer space, or the sea? But those questions won’t get answered, and in the end all you get is a personal account of the attack from a group of people who die at the end. If you piece together the bits you get along the way, you’ll hear someone in a newscast early in the picture talking about a Japanese satellite that falls from orbit. Then, near the end of the film, you see a kind of flashback in which a couple is at Coney Island and you see a splash in the water nearby as something really big falls from the sky. The theory is, this satellite fell and woke the monster up.

One of my other big problems with this movie was the absolute invulnerability of the monster. There was one scene where a Stealth Bomber dropped what I presume to be thousand-pound bombs, which raked the monster across its back. It staggers, and then jumps up and keeps right on going. A single thousand-pound bomb would make a crater of a small town, and this thing suffered direct hits from multiple bombs. I know, it has a shell-like back and really thick skin. Yeah. So? I can understand bullets having no effect; you’ve got to have an awfully big gun to penetrate rhino or elephant hide, so that’s completely believable. And, since it’s so big, I can even believe that the tank shells aren’t doing any damage. But there comes a point where it’s just crazy: you’re telling me that armor-piercing, laser-guided bombs that will penetrate ten feet of battleship steel won’t even give it a little cut? That thing should have been bleeding, trailing it’s mile-long guts. But at the end of the movie it looked as fresh as if it had just sprung from the sea.

Overall it was an enjoyable flick, but there wasn’t any resolution and that always perturbs me, and I can’t, can’t, can’t believe we couldn’t even give it a little nick with all the might of the military hitting it full bore. Cloverfield, for all its plusses, suffers big time from these two little negatives.

And now, two things:

1. They’re talking about a sequel, which would be great, because I don’t think this movie is a stand-alone. It needs a sequel. I want a sequel. Especially if it give a bit more understanding of the events and the monster itself.
2. Evidently there’s something that happens after the credits run. Which sucks, because I was just ready to get on the road and left during the credits. I know they want you to watch the credits, but it really pisses me off when they add integral storyline stuff after them. The movie is over, you had your shot, now let it die. I guess I’m supposed to sit and watch the credits for every movie I see, right through to the point where it goes to static. I’m not that patient. I don’t care who the frigging costume designer was, or the main grip, key grip, fluffer or caterer. I. Don’t. Care. Now I find out there might be something integral after the credits that might be of interest to me. It’s very possible I’m pissed enough to skip the sequel, if there ever is one, because this makes me feel like you’re pulling one over on me. Bugger.

Lastly, I’ve looked at a lot of pics on the web trying to find one that most looks like the monster. This is the closest I’ve seen so far. Although, as I stated, the face looks more like the Predator (those red sacs on the side of its head swell like a balloon):

written by Matt Mitchell \\ tags: Cloverfield, clovie, giant, monster, movie

It isn’t often you see a movie and feel fundamentally changed afterwards. But that’s what I feel after watching I Am Legend with Will Smith yesterday. Don’t worry, there are no plot spoilers here.

1. I’ll never listen to Bob Marley the same again. The legendary Legend tune “One Love” was played numerous times during the movie, but in one scene Will Smith’s character sings it, in a scene which ripped my heart out and stomped it flat. I still can’t get over that scene.
2. If you don’t like movies that can depress you, I recommend you stay away from this one, as great as it is. It is moving. Stirring. All those glossy words reviewers use to describe movies fit this one, but with I Am Legend, they resound truth in its essence. This movie is gripping.
3. The true horror of this movie has nothing to do with the mutated humans. It has everything to do with Will Smith’s character, Robert Neville, and his tormented soul. There’s more angst in that heart of his than, thankfully, most people will ever know. Of course, you don’t know this at the beginning, you only know he’s a survivor of some kind of apocalyptic scourge. From there, you learn in blips how truly bad things really are, and then they get worse.

I won’t give anything away other than to say this movie affected me more than almost any other movie ever has. And not in good ways. But don’t take this to mean that I hated the movie. No, I loved it, even though I was saddened by it beyond expression. It’s nothing like the sappy Armageddon, with scenes designed to make you cry by some great heroic feat at the end of a life, no, it was much, much more than that. This movie moves with a tortured soul of its own, and Will Smith’s marvelous performance gives that soul the voice it needs.

written by Matt Mitchell \\ tags: Bob Marley, I Am Legend, One Love, Will Smith

I am engulfed with fanboy frenzy. Next up on the calendar of movies I’m dying to see but will probably be disappointed with (see: Daredevil, Ghost Rider, Punisher, Hulk, etc.) is Iron Man. I’m a comic reader from way back, and Iron Man was always one of my favorites (along with Daredevil, Ghost Rider…). Iron Man was one of those B heroes: he never sold a lot of books like Fantastic Four or Spider Man, but he was always imminently cool, like Daredevil and Moon Knight. Basically the story line should look like this: Billionaire alcoholic playboy who builds advanced weaponry has a side gig as the iron-clad super hero protector of Earth. Nobody had gadgets like Iron Man, nobody had cool like Iron Man, either. It almost makes me want to start reading comics again. Here’s the teaser trailer, when it’s over you can exhale:

The only problem is that it can’t be as cool as it looks, can it? Robert Downey Jr. has, like Tony Stark (Iron Man’s alter ego), had his share of ups and downs. And though I’ve known for a while that he was cast in the lead role I haven’t been very excited about it. His acting technique has never seemed quite to fit with what I had envisioned for Stark. But this teaser makes him seem like a really good fit. I’ve got to hand it to director Jon Favreau, it looks like he’s done a great job of directing… a trailer. Jury’s still out on the movie. But hey, lately there have been some movies that I’ve been excited about and have actually been good: 300, Transformers, Casino Royal, and Sin City to name a few. (You might note that all the movies referred to in this post are movies that were based on some other medium and were not original ideas. The movies I seem to get the most excited about are the ones based on things that I liked when I was a kid or have always wanted to see modernized and put up on the silver screen.)

Fanboy Moment: Iron Man in the comics was one of the five or six most powerful beings on the planet. In sheer strength, only the Hulk and Thor could really overpower him. I seem to remember one situation where Iron Man was sent to corral the Hulk during one of his “Hulk smash!” rampages, and Iron Man powered up his armor and laid the green giant out flat. Knocked the Hulk unconscious. For the fanboy in me, this is a monumental statement. Of course, the power required of that knockout punch drained Iron Man’s suit of energy and he collapsed in a heap almost simultaneously. Sure, there are a lot of other super-strong heroes: Colossus, The Thing, Rogue… but they’re all second or third tier when it comes to brute strength. If I had to send one Marvel hero over to DC to duke it out with Superman, it would have to be either Thor or Iron Man. Hands down. /Fanboy Moment.

One thing I really would like to know: Why don’t we all have gadgety suits of flight-capable armor by now? I mean, this is the 21st century, right? Aren’t we all supposed to be able to fly to work by now? Where’s my Iron Man suit?

It gives me chills. It really does. (In a good way.)

written by Matt Mitchell \\ tags: Comics, Daredevil, hero, Hulk, Invincible, Iron Man, marvel, moon knight, Spider Man, super

From EW:

So it’s a huge disappointment that a new two-disc version of Death Proof strips the Grindhouse experience of everything that made it special in the first place. No longer are Tarantino’s and Rodriguez’s films piggybacked as a bloody double feature; they’re being released separately (Planet Terror comes out Oct. 16). It’s a colossal mistake. And if the idea is to bundle them together again at a later date, well, that’s just a cynical rip-off.

I’m very disappointed. I have two toddlers and don’t get to go to movies very often, so even though I was pumped about Grindhouse I couldn’t go see it. Fast forward to the DVD release, which I’ve been equally stoked about, but now I find out the movies, Planet Terror and Deathproof, will be released seperately and will not include the vintage promo reels which introduced the films or the trailers for fake exploitation movies which unspooled at intermission.

Not to put too fine a point on it, but this SUCKS! I’m not even going to buy the DVDs now; I’ll rent them, sure, but don’t try to sell me an inferior product that doesn’t even resemble the original. You’ve sucked the nuances out it, and for me, life is all about the nuances. I’m disgusted.  

written by Matt Mitchell \\ tags: deathproof, grindhouse, planet terror

Just a quick note on one of the Greatest Movies of All Time.

Now, I know I’m a little quick to get excited about something, especially when it’s still fresh in my mind and I’m in the throes of wanting more, which is exactly why I waited almost two weeks to mention the movie Transformers, which I give my absolute highest possible rating. I saw it on opening day and was absolutely tingling with excitement. The only negative from my point of view was the chippy English chick (Rachael Taylor) who was a hard sell as IT genius Maggie Madsen. In fact her smug little morally-superior expression just left me in utter disbelief that the casting director, who put together an otherwise outstanding cast, totally shit himself with this role. She’s not just a little off; she’s not even in the same galaxy. She’s barely believable as a human being, much less as an IT guru.

I’ll go on to say that this was the best adaptation of any comic book or cartoon movie ever. Better than Spiderman, Daredevil (which might have had the worst cast ever), X-men, Hulk and any other franchise you might point out. I am a comics fanboy from way back, too, so don’t test me with your snide comments about a my being a newcomer to the genre. I was hoping for an X-men movie in the seventies and I positively lusted for an adaptation of the Silver Surfer in some format. Now that it’s been done I still haven’t seen it. One rumor of Galactus being some malformed cloud rather than his giant blue and purple self as sculpted by the greatest comic book artist ever (Jack Kirby) gave me a bad session of internal hemorrhaging. I’ll also go on to say that there have been a good number of new movies worth seeing lately, which in my view is a lot better than it’s been over the last few years, as with most of the comics adaptations and the Star Wars films: I get really, really excited only to find the movie wasn’t all that good after all. Hugh Jackman’s Wolverine makes me wish he would stab himself in the face with his own claws. Don’t get me started on the ginormous waste that is Ben Affleck or any of the other stars of Daredevil. I really liked 300–more than the comic book, actually, so I should say it’s an adaptation of the highest merit. I also liked Casino Royal, although that’s just a good movie–not an adaptation (other than from Ian Flemming’s book). King Kong was one that I was very excited about but, despite some incredible effects, the movie left me slightly cold. But now: Transformers. Giant robots fighting giant robots, randomly changing into cars and trucks and tanks and jets and helicopters. The awesomeness that is Peter Cullen as Optimus Prime. Yes: I am a fanboy of the old Transformers cartoon from the 80s. And yes, I am glad somebody other than Zack Snyder finally got an adaptation right.

Of course, the Transformers were originally created (way back in the early 80s) solely for the merchandising possibilities, which proved to be a stroke of marketing genius, because fanboys such as myself bought up all we could during the Transformer’s heyday. And so, too, was this movie created for exactly the same reasons, but then what nowadays isn’t? I put off buying a PS3 until I saw the trailer for the Transformers game, which prompted me to get off my ass and buy both. I’m glad I did. I can’t believe more video game makers don’t take advantage of the giant-robot-destroys-city market. What else will I buy? Well, of course I must buy the toys (for my children!), and I’ll get the bluray DVD when it comes available, and then I’ll be waiting for T2 Judgment Day. Wait, that’s been done already, hasn’t it? I wonder what they’ll call the sequel of Transformers? Transformers America: TransAm? Heheh, use that one and it’ll cost you :-)

written by Matt Mitchell \\ tags: optimus prime, transformers