Unabashed

In Parents Magazine this month there a full-page add by the corn refiners association that is intended to enlighten people about high fructose corn syrup; that HFCS is nutritionally equal to sugar and honey. But the add itself is a highly inflammatory bit of puss, with two women with voice bubbles, the first saying, “My hairdresser says that sugar is healthier than high fructose corn syrup.” And the other replying, with an I’m-a-total-bitch-from-hell smile, “Wow! You get your hair done by a doctor?”

Now it’s true that I’m no marketing expert, but if you’re trying to reach me with this add, you just failed miserably by making an assumption that I’m a cowturd dumbass who gets his medical and nutritional information from equally unqualified cowturd dumbasses. And I’m thinking that, since I’m one of the people who has all but sworn off anything with HFCS in it, that I’m one of the people this add would be targeting. Well, corn refiners, you’ve missed the mark, alienated me, and pissed me off even more than I had been, and you still haven’t done anything to prove to me that HFCS isn’t as unhealthy for me as a cowturd. See, I didn’t get my information from a cowturd dumbass, I got my information from Men’s Health magazine, a resource that pays actual medicos for analysis and health information. Just like this article, entitled “The Devil’s Candy,” where they out HFCS as the gut bomb it really is.

HFCS only exists because of the one-time surplus of corn that the gov needed to figure out what to do with. They could have made biofuel, they could even have made clothes, but instead they made a cheaper sweetener, so we could stop importing sugar, and now everything that might have used wholesome sugar is using HFCS. And nobody’s going to tell me that Coke tastes as good now as it did when it was using sugar. Enjoy those profits, Coke, and all you other soda companies, but I ain’t drinking your syrupy crap until you switch back to sugar. And to the corn refiners assn: you just made me that much more adamant in my fight against every evil that you represent. I put you right up there next to Exxon in the evil cowturd column.

/rant.

written by Matt Mitchell \\ tags: HFCS