Unabashed

Here’s what we know so far: The deceased–a Mr. Matt Mitchell (or at least his pride)–was hiking in a remote area known as “Falling Rock.” From evidence we acquired from his person, including maps, a GPS unit, and various other items, we’ve ascertained that he was searching the area for what are known as “Geocaches.” In the course of our investigation, we backtracked Mr. Mitchell’s steps and located one Geocache that he himself had located, opened and signed. He then replaced the Geocache in its hidden location and moved on to search for another one, this one at the bottom of the canyon. Mr. Mitchell descended into the canyon and, following the coordinates as entered into his GPS, was searching for the second Geocache, hiking delicately through an area infested with poison oak, when he suffered a fall and tumbled back down the hill. We believe he may have screamed “Oh no!!” as he slipped, and we believe his feet were pointed straight up at the heavens before he crashed down upon his elbow (we are also of the opinion that, if there had been anyone to witness the event, it would have been quite comical to see). Fearing exposure to the poison ivy, we believe Mr. Mitchell scrambled to his feet, only to slip again and go sprawling down the remainder of the hillside into the ravine–a tumble total of about forty feet, although his descent was cushioned by a slippery, leafy ground covering and a dense patch of poison oak. We do believe he screamed “Oh no!!” again upon slipping for the second time. We believe he abandoned his search at that point, having injured his left knee and right elbow–the elbow was quite swollen and bloody–and fearing that a large portion of his arms and face had been exposed to poison oak. Deciding that he had a one point five mile hike back to his waiting vehicle, he proceeded to climb back out of the canyon, whereupon he abandoned his pride and his man card to suffer humility for the rest of his days. He proceeded to the emergency room, where he was found to have suffered a shattered ego along with deep bruising of the knee and elbow, some superficial scrapes and cuts, but no broken bones. The poison oak exposure would not make itself apparent, if in fact he was exposed, for another 48 to 72 hours. Mr. Mitchell (and his pride) are now recuperating at his home in Montevallo, Alabama, taking steady doses of Ibuprofen and nervously studying every itch he feels on his arms or face. He is considering a return trip to the canyon of Falling Rock to see if his pride is still there and can be recovered.

The wound, 60+ hours after the fall (still rash free!!):

written by Matt Mitchell \\ tags: Alabama, canyon, fall, falling rock, falls, Geocaching