Unabashed

A few years ago I went to a Baptist church with my mother for Easter. This was something she wanted me to do (she’s worried about my soul), so I put on my suit and went. The pastor of the church was a high-ranking official in the Baptist administration in the state, so I at least thought he might give me a thing or two to think about. He definitely didn’t disappoint me. His sermon shook me to the core, infuriated me, made me realize many things…but none of the realizations were of his design. In fact, his sermon impacted me to a degree exactly opposite what I imagine he’d had in mind. But I sat silently, with a sick feeling in my stomach, looking around at the parishioners who were all nodding and saying their amens as the leader of the congregation nailed home the final nail in the coffin that would ultimately drive me away from the church. I have been to church since then, but I find that when I go I am very quick to shut down, to let my mind wander, to just get through this. Lo, I have seen the corruption of the corporate church, and I am sickened by it.

My religious background is muddled with a mixture of influences, from Primitive Baptist to Southern Baptist, Pentecostal, Evangelical, Jewish and even a smattering of atheism. Ultimately, I found that if I was going to enjoy any comfort at all with religion I was going to have to figure things out for myself, because I was getting too, too much conflicting information. First, my disclaimer: I am a believer in a higher power. If that doesn’t jive with your beliefs, or lack thereof, that’s fine; I’m open-minded enough to refrain from criticizing, and I’m not as convinced in the essential rightness of anything to condemn anyone for anything. But it seems a lot of condemnation is handed out freely by a lot of people who think of themselves as righteous, and I’m not just talking about Baptists. It seems like every religion has a certain degree of “we’re right and everyone else is wrong so they’re all going to H-E-double-hockey-sticks.” I find that Jews generally don’t condemn non-believers out of hand, which improves their overall belief system quite a bit in my eyes. So what am I, when it comes right down to it? I’ll only claim non-denominational believer status, and hope that people will leave it at that.

That Easter Sunday might have been the final nail, but it wasn’t the first. It wasn’t even in the top 100. It was only the last. The first happened when I was much younger, much more devout, and much less understanding of the human condition. Maybe I’ll tell that story one day, but for now, I have to tell you what that preacher said to me that was so controversial that it has stuck with me through the three years since and finally made me realize that I simply do not agree with the masses, and that religious doctrine (Baptist, in this case) was inherently wrong. He said: “Only a Christian can truly experience love.” Not only do I disagree whole-heartedly with that statement (and this spoken as a Christian), but I’m even going to go one step further and say that I don’t believe that someone is going to go to hell just because they don’t believe in any specific church’s doctrine. I know, I’m a radical. And I’ll go even further and say that teaching people a dogma based upon principles such as this is tantamount to sin itself.

So what doctrine do I believe in? Well, that’s simple: none of them. At least not if they were written by men (they were all written by men). I believe in a purity of soul, in a sincere well-wishing for our fellow creatures, and in a love that anyone can enjoy, any time the moment moves them. I would get into more specifics, but I’m done with this for today. Maybe one day I’ll share my beliefs in a bit more detail, but for right now I’m ready to let it be.

written by Matt Mitchell