John Scalzi asks the question: Who would win in a knife fight, Smurfs or Carebears?
In the thread, the public is in overwhelming support of Smurfs, but I (of course) unabashedly disagree. My comment:
Everyone seems to be leaning Smurfs, which naturally makes me lean CBs (Always bet against the public. See: Superbowl XLII). And besides, I think the bears have a chance. I mean, they’re bears. Have you ever seen a CB open its mouth? No? That is probably because of the jagged rows of teeth it needs to hide (it hides them because of its job, which is to remain endearing to children. Can’t do that with all those nasty teeth on display). A mouth which, as luck would have it, could probably chew four or five Smurfs at a time (if the CB in question didn’t just swallow them whole). And don’t forget the clawless paws are only clawless because the claws are retractable.
You say the Smurfs have superiority in numbers? I say that’s just more blue meat to eat. Care Bears all the way. It’d be like throwing Smurfs in a pen full of rabid wolverines.
Evil Care Bears found on Deviant Art.
Also: My tags for this entry are “Care Bears, John Scalzi, and Smurfs.” So if anyone was to happen to Google “John Scalzi + Care Bears (or Smurfs) (or both)” will probably find their way here. Heh.
I just added the tag “evil” on the off chance that someone might Google “Evil John Scalzi Care Bear.” Double heh.
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May 8th, 2008 at 10:30 pm
Hey man, I was totally with you on team Care Bear. You made a good point. The Care Bears would easily win for the reasons I posted there. Plus, as another poster asked, what about the Care Bear Cousins? Include them and it would be even more of a massacre.
May 9th, 2008 at 7:18 am
Yup; I just went back and looked at your comment and you’re right. And besides that you were the first one to point out the “Stare” and all it’s awful potential. I don’t see how anyone could think Smurfs would defeat bears.