Unabashed

This is just a hoot. (I’ve listed the theories here, comments added are my own.)

1. The Moon Landing was a Hoax: This would make a lot of people liars. People who I don’t believe are liars. A dozen astronauts, along with everyone at NASA, Houston, politicians…okay, I can see the politicians keeping up a lie, but the astronauts themselves? I don’t believe it. The lunar landing happened the year I was born (1969) and, for my entire life, I’ve considered it the greatest accomplishment of the human species. I’m proud that it was accomplished by Americans. A lot of my interest in Science Fiction evolves out of this great achievement. It proves that the impossible is possible. I won’t let you take that away from me.
2. Face on Mars: I don’t know what it is, but it’s spooky looking. NASA is now saying it’s just an eroded mesa, that their newest images of that area prove it. I’m fine with this; frankly, I can’t imagine why science would lie about it. They spend so much time searching for proof of life on other planets, and according to this theory, now that they’ve found it, they’ve covered it up. That smacks of stupidity to me.
3. Flat Earth Society: It’s hard to imagine a more stupid idea.
4. The USA 193 Spy Satellite: I don’t really think this qualifies as a conspiracy. There were probably many reasons we shot this satellite down, and probably all of them are right to one degree or another. It’s done. Who cares why it was done?
5. Planet X: Another planet in our solar system. Right. One that you can’t see, even though you can see several others even with a naked eye. And, of course, the government doesn’t want you to know about it, so they force observatories to shut down so they can keep it a secret. This is what southerners call malarkey.
6. Roswell/Area 51: This is the most believable of all of these.  
7. Illuminati and Majestic-12: Lizard people…I’m not going to say it’s impossible (the lunar landing taught me that anything is possible, remember?), but highly unlikely. And the theorists propose that the fact that there’s no proof of the Illuminati’s existence proves they do exist. Sounds like a lot of people who really, really like conspiracy theories.  
8. 2012 and the End of the World: Another spooky one, but one that can’t be discarded out of hand (you know, because it hasn’t happened yet). The calendar is there, it has a definite end point: December 12th, 2012. The mysterious circumstances of the Mayan civilization’s disappearance lends another level of creepiness, along with their mad religious practices. Did they know something? Were they able to connect with some essential energy of the globe that we can’t put a feeler on? Animals will head for high country during floods, giving credence to the fact that there are energies that we aren’t tuned to. If the Mayans were able to somehow tap into that… who knows? We’ll know in about 5 years. 
9. Shifting Poles: Yeah, so the poles are shifting. But the people who subscribe to this theory believe the Earth is about to flip. Literally. It’s another one of those doomsday theories that can’t be proven true or false. Maybe this is what happens in 2012?
10. The Dead Cosmonaut: Maybe the spookiest theory of all, the Russian left to die slowly and painfully in space. I don’t know if it’s true, but if it is there’s not much that could, or should, be done about it. The Russian government should of course acknowledge the failure, apologize to the family and such, and maybe let the guy’s name be known. What else would there be to lose? Why keep it a secret? Just because it’s a failure? As conspiracies go, this one is really, really lame. If this actually happened, I can’t conceive of a reason it should be kept secret.

Personally, I think they missed the biggest conspiracy of all. The fact that the moon does not exist. I don’t believe in the moon; it’s just a mass hallucination, or it’s just an image projected into space using a big camcorder. I still haven’t entirely discredited the theory that it’s just a big hunk of cheese. I’ve even written a song about my beliefs:

I don’t believe in the moon,
I think it’s just a hallucin-a-tion,
I don’t believe in the moon,
maybe it’s an Earth-based projec-tion!

written by Matt Mitchell \\ tags: area 51, conspiracy, flat earth, landing, lunar, moon, planet x, roswell, Space, theory