Like it or lump it

Has anyone ever told you that you can “like it or lump it?” I’m not sure if this is strictly a southern colloquialism, but I heard it a lot as a kid. I have a slight problem with this phrase, though:

If somebody tells you to  “like it or lump it” you have only two options and either way you have to accept whatever it was that was given to you. You can “like it” which is self explanatory, or you can “lump it,” which means to tolerate what must be endured (according to dictionary.com). So if I’m to lump something I’m not necessarily happy about it, but since I have been told to lump it then I must swallow my misgivings and suffer to accept what was given. This is the Established Principle, people, the Rule. This is the LAW of Society. If you refuse to like or lump something you’ve been given then you are inviting hostility and discord into the situation. This can lead to years of estrangement from family, friends, and coworkers. It would be the same as turning down a triple-dog dare–you just don’t do it.

It is for this reason that I feel this Law of Society should be expanded upon, by legal amendment. I propose the addition of two extra choices, hence:

“You can like it, lump it, cram it or crump it.”

Now I’ve got options! Now if someone gives you a Rocky Mountain Oyster flavored jelly bean to try you don’t have to eat it! Now you can CRUMP it!

The revised axiom:

Like–you accept what is given and are happy with it.

Lump–you accept what is given though you are not happy with it and would rather it hadn’t been given to you at all.

Cram–you take what has been given to you and you fold it into a tiny little square and you cram it straight up your own ass. Personally, I can’t really imagine anyone taking this route, but hey, maybe you’ll want to make a statement with that jellybean.

Crump–(defined as: to explode heavily or with a loud dull noise; to bombard with heavy shells) you are so offended by what has been offered that you destroy the offending idea or item in the quickest and most disastrous method possible.

I was going to add pictures to this post but I couldn’t find any Rocky Mountain Oysters to cram.